Valentine’s Day is coming and you need to figure out what you are doing, where you are doing it, and who it is you need to buy a bear that “Wuvs Kisses” for. No pressure. It’s just your future and everlasting happiness at stake, I’m sure you’ll figure it out. My wife and I met on a train at 5:00 am in downtown Chicago. She was on her way to her first day of work in a new city and I was coming home from drinking. Ten years of marriage later, people ask me how I knew she was “The One.” I tell them there is no such thing as “The One.” You meet many “Ones” throughout your life and when you are in the right place and they are in the right place, you’ve got a shot. I will say this; love is the most important thing you can ever find. When you go looking for the perfect Valentine, know what you are looking for.
Don’t waste time-
A wise woman once told me about dating in the 1940’s, “If you went on three dates, you were getting married.” In my dating days, I could barely decide on a restaurant for three dates. She went on to say, “I never turned down a date. The first date was social, the second was to lay out what was important to us, and if he made it to third date I wanted to do something else with him, so we were getting married.” It may not be as simple as it was in the old days, but there is something to be learned from the past.
You’re going to do it. You are going to gross a lot of people out smooching and selfie-ing. They don’t understand how “in love” you are. Truth is you’re hopped up on dopamine and norepinephrine, while the primitive part of your brain is twerking you into the intellectual peer of a slightly less than average lizard. Would you let a slightly less than average lizard decide who you should marry? Don’t mistake love for lust.
Make a Plan-
After 3 years of dating, I had a ring, but no plan to give it to her. I wanted to get her back to the train stop we met on and a friend gave me the idea to go downtown near the station on our anniversary and have a friend “tow” my car. The night had a few detours, but it never ran off the track. I proposed to wife, my buddy videotaped her surprise, and I have video proof that I look terrible with long hair. If you want to make something work, make a plan and do whatever it takes to keep it on the rails.
Never Give Up
When your brain wrestles control back from your inner-lizard, you will face reality. Relationships come fully equipped with difficulties. No one is immune and those who say they are haven’t found their back against the wall yet. A good spouse steps in between you and the wall, they don’t back you into it. Careless abandon is great fun, but relationships are made when times are tough.
Have a little fun
I have yet to meet a successful couple that doesn’t make each other laugh. If it weren’t for the good times, we would all be roommates with kids. I have very little shame. If it’s funny, I would rather emotionally terrorize myself than let a good joke pass me by. Whether it’s been a year, ten or fifty, shamelessly go out of your way to make the person you love, laugh.
When you meet the right person, at the right time, and both of you are ready to make the right decisions you might have found your perfect Valentine. In a backwards kind of way, maybe you have met “The One.”