The Movie, Need For Speed, Saved My Marriage

nfs2Need For Speed hits theaters on March 14, 2014. I was allowed to attend a pre-screening and provide a review for the new super blogger group, DAM Bloggers (Dad & Mom Bloggers). Little did I know that the movie would ultimately save my marriage. Allow me to explain…

When The Wife and I met, she was 26 and I was a few… I was some… I was several years older than her. I discovered quickly that there were a few roadblocks ahead of this relationship. She didn’t really know all of The Beatles’ names. She said she did, but I’m part Sicilian and Sicilians are great liars, the best in the world, and we know a lie when we see one.

There was also the fact that she had never seen The Godfather. I know, I know! I had my work cut out for me. Then, one day, she rapped every word of Salt n Pepa’s Shoop. Every. Word. So, I did what any right minded dude in their 30 somethings would have done. I put a ring on it.

Before I go on, let’s talk about the movie. Briefly, we have very important, life changing, marriage saving stuff to get to here.

Aaron Paul – Everyone is walking into this movie wondering if their favorite character from Breaking Bad would be able to make the leap to film and if we could believe him as anyone besides Jessie Pinkman. I’ll tell you this, dude did fine. He was believable, he was intense, they didn’t try to make him out to be a huge heartthrob (good choice), and they stayed away from letting him say, “Bitch.” That helped.

The Script – Horrible. Can we move on? No? Fine. It was formulaic. Nothing happened that you didn’t see coming. Except for the dog. Did I ruin that for you? See? We should have moved on.

The Action – Kick ass, really. Beautiful cars going really fast definitely get your heart racing a bit. The race scenes were filmed really well and did justice to the hype.

The Actors – The best acting is by the group of buddies. They nailed it as the talented, witty, and funny sidekicks. And that office scene? That was worth the price of the popcorn and soda.

The Love Story – They had to do it, but like I said, they made a good choice in not making Aaron Paul out to be a bad boy turned good and oh my, look at those abs, he’s so hot, I had no idea he had that under his shirt… Like I said, that wasn’t there, so they made a great choice.

The 3D Experience – Not necessary. At all. Everything doesn’t need to be filmed in 3D. Jurassic Park would be cool. A League Of Their Own? Could you imagine? It’s not always necessary. In the end, the glasses are annoying, and if the movie isn’t actually, truly filmed to be in 3D, it just isn’t needed and doesn’t work.

The Overall Experience – Wanna go see some really fast cars and cool race scenes? Go for it, but don’t expect any Oscar nominations coming out of this one.

There, now… let’s get to the important stuff.

This is the part where our marriage was on the line that fateful night. Allow me to once again set the mood.

The Wife is an amazing woman. However. Her idea of a great movie is Dickie Roberts. Even after seeing The Godfather (all 3… yes, even the third one… look, don’t get me started, it’s still a great movie) she still gets a huge smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye when she hears, “Dickie Roberts.” I would also like to submit into evidence that she has told me in the past that she has seen some of the Fast and Furious movies and liked them.

This is what my marriage has come to

This is what my marriage has come to

As the movie went on, I tried to gauge The Wife’s reactions, especially at the parts that made me say, “Oh, brother, could this BE any more formulaic?” However, since the movie was in 3D, I couldn’t see her eyes; yet another reason why 3D got in the way of my viewing pleasure.

Towards the end, it struck me that The Wife might think this is one of the greatest movies she’s ever seen. What if she ranks Need For Speed with amazing movies like, True Romance, Scarface, or A Hard Day’s Night? I realized that it was time to make a stand. If she loved this movie, I might have to go all Taxi Driver, or The Shining, and end up like One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. I couldn’t, I wouldn’t stand for it any longer.

As the movie approached the climactic scene, I turned to The Wife. With Fear and Loathing in my mind, I looked at her. Slowly, she turned to me and she said… “If Jessie doesn’t say, ‘Let’s cook, bitch’ right now, I’m out!” I fell in love all over again. Need For Speed saved us from going all Kramer vs Kramer. She didn’t fall asleep, which meant it wasn’t horrific, but it was bad enough that she just wanted it to end. I have a new restored faith and love for The Wife. And for that, I can only thank everyone involved in Need For Speed.

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